The time has arrived for me to share my testimony with the group at SIMCO and the SIM-USA staff! I will be sharing between 8:30-9:00 AM. For those of you that make it here by that time and are so inclined, prayers are much appreciated. If you arrive after that, I believe in retroactive prayers too!

Here’s what I plan to share in my 4-minutes today (parts may sound familiar!):

Christians often joke that some people are afraid to let God into their lives completely or have a relationship with Him because God may send them to a hut in Africa. Like me, I suspect few people here actually fear a hut in Africa. I’ve been there, had the malaria to show for it.

I told my parents around 4th grade that I was going to grow up to be a missionary and teach MKs (missionary kids) overseas. Missions has always been on my heart’s radar and a hut in Africa wasn’t out of the question.

The place where I got hung up more often was on the issue of singleness. I might have considered full time missions sooner except that I maintained that I wouldn’t really consider long term missions unless I was married. Why? Good question, long answer. Too long for a 4-minute testimony, but suffice it to say that somehow I felt my worth as a woman was tied to whether I could attract a man, whether he was a decent man, and whether I could convince him to marry me.

Our world (both society at large and the specific circumstances we find ourselves in) teaches us some messed up things about ourselves at times. Those lies can be very deep-rooted and nigh unto impossible to extract and replace with Truth. We can know God, know Truth, know that He loves us, and still fail to live in that reality because of these lies. I thought I’d never overcome my personal lies and the ramifications they had in my life.

In January, after about a year and a half of counseling, I felt like I’d finally identified the lies in my life, but I still felt bound by them. In a discussion with my counselor we danced around the issue until she finally said to me, “Can you see that this isn’t good for you? Do you think you can let it go?” I looked at her and admitted, “I see that, but I just don’t want to.” She laughed and said, “I appreciate your honesty.”

Driving home that day I told God, “I finally get it. *I* don’t *want* to move on. But… I want to want to. Will you help me want to?” Had I proofread and revised that prayer, I might have worded it in a way that is more comprehensible, but thankfully God understood that my heart was finally ready to allow Him to change me in an area where I couldn’t change myself.

I’m sure there are many areas of my life that may still need to submitted more fully to God, but the area singleness vs. marriage was undoubtedly the one to which I clung most tightly and the one that was keeping me from stepping into that which He has for me. I lived in the fear that telling God I trusted Him meant that He would assign me to a life of singleness – that was my equivalent of a hut in Africa. It would be utterly unbearable.

Instead, trusting God in this area has given me freedom to step into a role that has been on my heart for nearly as long as I can remember. I feel sheer excitement and joy as I approach this opportunity in Peru because I know it’s tailor made for me, that I can finally embrace that which He has for me.